MOMO LUNA SIGNALS * The mysterious art of Monica Croese: Old work

Showing posts with label Old work. Show all posts

2.7.10

L'Héautontimorouménos * The self-tormentor

In my early twenties, as i started to read the flowers of evil (Les fleurs du mal) of Charles Baudelaire, i became a big fan of him. I was (and am) attracted by the dark beauty of his words which bring emotions as fear, pain, lust, hope, melancholy, loneliness and despair. His words comfort me; i am not the only one struggling with these dark, lonely emotions. His words inspire me also and they linger in my heart and work.

My most favourite poem is L'Héautontimorouménos. Especially because of the last words:

Je suis de mon coeur le vampire,
— Un de ces grands abandonnés
Au rire éternel condamnés
Et qui ne peuvent plus sourire!

I'm the vampire of my own heart
— One of those utter derelicts
Condemned to eternal laughter,
But who can no longer smile!

How beautiful is that? In all its darkness and sadness.
You can find the poem (and some translations in english) here.

Inspired by this intense poem i painted in 1988 a large painting referring to The self-tormentor.

The photographs are not good because of the flashlight. And in real the colors are more rich and vivid and intense. But i want to show them anyway. Soon i'll try to make better pics.

Acrylics on canvas * Height 150 cm * Width 200 cm

L'Héautontimorouménos

The ignorant

The addict

The cry

Lust

And for now i'm back to my garden again because of the heat indoors. I don't like heat. I'll pay you all a visit soon, when it's cooler in tha house.

I hope your dreams are full of hope. Keep smiling.

21.5.10

Some old stuff

First i wanna welcome all new followers. Thank you, nice seeing you here.

It was a very busy, hectic week, my birthday ( i had a great weekend, tnx all who wanted to know) the birthday of my love, very busy at work, ending the week with a heavy migraine. But today it's less worse and the sun is shining all weekend, time to relax. I'm also busy with a large painting, almost finished, i hope this weekend. So no new work to upload, but i post some old stuff. Not that great, but fun to show i think.

This one is a collage i made for the group MIST (meaning fog) Two friends of me and i having a good time. I was singing and playing toy instruments. The girl on the left did drums and backing vocals, the girl on the right was playing the guitar and singing as well. We had a growing group of fans. Too bad we had to stop for several reasons. Sometimes i miss it a lot.

In my early twenties i was very active in the punk and squat scene. This is a quick sketch of what i saw those days. It's not so good, but now i am charmed of the naive style of this. :-)

At that time i was very idealistic and a bit naive. I made collages like this, to make some statement and hung it everywhere in the city. I did this with my love and a good friend of mine. I've lost her out of sight and wonder where she is right now and what she's doing?

I really don't know what i was thinking when painting this one. ;-)

I wish you all a great weekend!

Dream some melancholic dreams.

26.1.10

The not so innocent fool

What can i say? I love to draw a world into a world into.... Another old one. And 'Black birds' is finished, i just have to find a way to get it good on my computer. :-)

17.1.10

Seele brennt! ~*~ My soul is burning!

I love the music from Einstürzende neubauten. Sehr! The lyrics are so dark, raw, mysterious. I think Blixa Bargeld is a genius with words and performance. I had the luck to see them perform in their early years and it was mindblowing. So the painting is all about Blixa Bargeld.

Seele brennt!

Ich bin die umstürzlerische Liebe
der Gegensex
Jeder Tag kostet mich Wunden
dabei bin ich schon jetzt
zerschunden und völlig blutverschmiert

Du fängst im Taxi an zu heulen
bloss weil ich sage
dass ich bei dem Konsum
in zwei Jahren tot bin
Alle Idole müssen sterben (Lachen)

meine Seele brennt
Ich versteck mich, sitz in meinem Loch
und warte auf die Träume, die mich retten (Kommen nicht)
Liebe ist ein Scheiterhaufenauf dem ich langsam aber sicher
von innen her zum Rand verbrenne

Ich hab gekostet
bin zu weit gegangen
werd den Geschmack nicht los
Vielleicht ist nur entzündet
vielleicht ist nur entzündet, was da brennt
An Stelle meiner Seele
an der Stelle meiner Seele
meine Seele brennt!

Einstürzende neubauten

15.1.10

Strange worlds

~ Schizophrenia~

~The flood~

Don't say i didn't warn you, lol. Two other drawings from long, long time ago. I wasn't even on art school. These drawings aren't good at all, but i now find them moving. Seventeen or so was i when i drawed these. I was a young, shy girl then, struggling with strong problems. A dreamer (i still am) dreaming of better times with less anxiety. I find it moving to see how i then drawed my beloved subjects of love, fear, hope, strange worlds etc. A little bit childish, not on my own yet, but already hit by life.

Don't worry, soon i will post also new paintings, 'cause i am painting a lot these days. Sometimes computercrashes aren't that bad at all. ;-)

Dream about love, dream breathlessly.....

12.1.10

Nudes

These i made on artschool, also a long time ago. You had two or three minutes to draw the model before she changed her pose. That's such fun. So you learn to let it go and leave out the unnessecary things. It'll be great to do again because sometimes i think too much as i paint and that blocks me from what i want to tell.

9.1.10

I pushed an empty babycarriage all over the city

This is a very old drawing, i think i drawed this around 1985. I don't know exactly why, but this quick drawing (a set up for a painting) is very dear to me. I didn't forget this one, but hadn't seen it for years. It was always in my heart. It did perish a bit but I like it even better with the damages and thinking about to put it this way behind glass. Is that strange? I haven't made a painting of it, perhaps this year, but on the other hand, i think it's good how it is now. The title: i pushed...... is from an Yoko Ono song.

7.1.10

Searching.....

The lovely Manon Doyle has a beautiful new year wish for her readers; reconnect with yourself.

At this time my love and i are going thru some hard times with tears and sorrow, but that's okay, this also means growth. As a new year begins i always have this urge to clean, as i feel sad i have this urge too. So can you imagine me now? Can you imagine how clean my house is at the moment? And i am a sloven. While i was cleaning up my working space i find a long forgotten drawing map with long forgotten drawings and paintings, even from artschool. I thought i go thru it to see it all and then throw it away. But i couldn't throw it away, because although all these paintings are not that good, they are filled with lots of memories. And one feeling hit me by surprise: during the thirty years of my journey i have lost myself somewhere. How did that happen? Although the paintings were not so good (sometimes) there is a sparkle in all of them. A sparkle of creativity and life. Luckily i have still that sparkle in my drawings, but in my paintings i have to rediscover it. All your nice comments made me strong enough to paint again (thank you!), but i was unsecure, restless, discontented. I have to find the sparkle, to reconnect with myself. This progress started yesterday and i hope the flame will blaze up and burn. Even stronger and brighter.

I'm afraid this month i will upload my old art. But then you can notice how my art journey started. ;-) Again, thank you for your comments, those also make me grow and i hope to do the same for you in return. And now i show you an old linocut. It's a selfportrait.