Why running around in circles?

Hi there all, how are you doing?  I hope all goes well for you. It has been awhile, but life (again) was interfering big time. And when this happens, i find it difficult to communicate. I hide myself  in dreams. Avoiding the big questions, why am i here? what am i doing here? Why art, drawing, painting? Why bother? Why not? Reading La nausee by Sartre doesn't help, or maybe it does. Perhaps i am an existentialist by heart without knowing it. Maybe i am a misantropic humanist or a humane misantrophe. Probably i am both. Can you tell the difference?  I am a pleaser, i want to be loved by everyone. Please, love me. Please, hate me. No, i am not crazy. I am just questioning all. Looking at all possibilities. I don't wanna scare you.  I do not wanna..........  I am a contradiction. Am i not?

Unexpectedly it was there, crystalclear: the existence suddenly revealed itself to me.  From now on it didn't look harmless anymore. Like the safety of abstract categories. It was the stuff of which things are made, the beet of the tree was formed out of existence. The beet of the tree, the fences of the parc, the seat, the teneous grass of the lawn, all this had disappeared. The diversity of things, their own character was only an illusion, a little varnish. The varnish was gone, what was left were monstrous, weak heaps, chaotic and nude. Of a terrifying, obscene nudity.
Jean Paul Sartre  *  The atrocity  (a free, simple translation by me)

Ahhh well it isn't all dark moods, don't worry. The good news is that everything is okay with my beloved ones and myself. So i keep this in mind, again and again, to chase away the dark moods, that holds me back from enjoying all good things around me.  I feel happy looking at my love and kids, the cats, the garden, my art. And i have made a beginning of a new drawing. A wonderful challenge, because the seize of this drawing is 130 x 145 cm!  As i said a real challenge. I wonder how long it will take before the white paper is filled with my world in a world in a world...... 

DRIVING CIRCLES AROUND ME* The beginning of a large painting: 130 x 145 cm

GET READY

    

So tell me what you think about the drawing so far. Take good care of your beloved ones. Take good care of nature. And of yourself ofcourse!
When the low moon begins to beam
every night i dream a little dream.......

A new canvas

Hello there dear friends. It has been awhile but i am happy to be back. I have missed you all a lot. I'm happy too that 2011 is over. It was a tiring year with many worries and in the end i only could see blackness, not realizing how blessed i am with my two kids, my darling hubbie and beautiful home while i am a born optimistic. So i cannot show you new paintings or drawings because i even couldn't draw or paint. This new year, 2012,  lies ahead of me like a new canvas and i wanna paint it with rich colourful images, not worrying about the shades and the blacks. In fact black holds all colours and shadows belong to sunshine.

I wish you all a beautiful year and use your new canvas well.

I can show you a new beginning of a drawing and a new beginning of a painting, started awhile ago, but soon to be completed. Sharpen your pencils, clean your brushes, 2012 has begun, time for new horizons, new ideas, new dreams.

 

A fragment of a new painting  *  Three godesses settling your life

Just a glimpse of something new.

Lost innocence?

I'm very disappointed, but i'm not talking politics on this blog. I'm busy with painting. Meanwhile also starting a new big drawing (like Black birds). Lost innocence?

And a photo of our red-white fluffy little angel Willie W. Sleeping and dreaming....

Dream about a world where people can live together in peace, accepting each other. Make this dream come true. Act in the name of love.

Work in progress

It was such lovely weather, so i could paint in the garden.

How a city grows upon my canvas..........

Detail; earthmother needs some air.

~Dream about green horizons and fresh air~

Work in progress

I'm working on a new painting and it goes well. It's a fertility godess and this is the start up. I have to work on it ofcourse, the seizes are not totally correct, i have to change her legs, but i wanna try to let the orange, red lines around her head as it is, not too much details but the rough idea. Anyway i'm happy how it turns out till now and i'm curious how she'll end.



Dream about birthday cakes, 'cause tomorrow i am a birthdaygirl. :-D

Wind, fire, water, earth

Not yet finished, because as i was drawing the wind~woman, i didn't like it. The wind disturbes me. So i stopped. I don't know if i will finish this one. Also because i think it is too sweet, too much detail. Hmm, not so sure about this one. Perhaps i feel this way because i am painting a big painting and let go the little details in the painting. I am happy with that, but perhaps this means also a change in my drawings?
It's so great, painting again. That's also the reason i am not that much on the www at the moment. Discovering new ways. Finally brave enough to let go while painting. The results will be uploades soon.
Tell me what you think (honestly) about this 4 elements drawing. I am curious and i appreciate your opinion.

Let the wind blow away disturbing dreams...........

The beginning of

A rough beginning of a painting i started awhile ago. I wanna paint this on a large canvas........

Struggle (what's new? ;-))

Today i was very, very restless. And frustrated. My muse was roaring inside of me, she wants to be free. I have kept her too long in her cage, waiting. I tried different keys to open the cage, but i couldn't manage. Some keys were lost, others rusted or broken. In the beginning my muse was quiet, she understood and was hoping for better times. I played with her creating drawings and she was pleased with the pretty and sweet places where she could wander. If you take a good look you also can find the dark corners where she sometimes wanna hide and feel safe. But she still felt caged. And that made me sad, today i cried a view times, just like that, without a clear reason. My muse grabbed me by the hand, delegating the restlesness and tension. The tension grew and almost became unbearable. So i took a canvas and my brushes and started to paint. Very cautious in the beginning. But she was whispering, and the whispers became stronger, transformed in a clear voice: "Stop the crap, let go! Let go! Don't be a tart, i don't wanna be pretty and sweet. Not this time! I wanna be rough and alive." She was guiding me to happiness and i could let go, feeling more and more secure and i used bigger brushes to avoid unnessesary details. I couldn't stop painting and she broke loose, free at last. And i was in love again with her, feeling so happy. And now she's looking at me from the canvas, so strong, but i begin to doubt again. I think every painter know this progress. I still am in love but i see her flaws. At this point i have to take some distance and let her grow. But i'll complete her world this week, because i cannot walk away from her. Not any longer. It will be a struggle, but it's worth every tear and drop of blood.

The painting is not yet finished and the quality of the photograph lousy, the colours are deeper and more intense for real, but i couldn't wait to share this process with you. In a few days, when finished i will upload a good photograph.

TASTE

To protect you

Work in progress, not yet finished. Drawing on SCHELDE wood-pulp free smooth cardboard, 250 grs. 65 x 77.5 cm

Black birds

Ink, pencils & ballpoint on paper. 60 x 90 cm * 35.4 x 23.6"

Oh how excited i am! My creative energy is sizzling, bubbling, floating. This drawing i started some years ago and then it had to rest. Yesterday evening i laid it in front of me and started to draw. I drawed all night long. Went to sleep at 5 o'clock. I will finish this drawing in two, three days. It's a LARGE drawing. The uploads are not so clear but i wanted to share this already with you. I will make a good photograph of it totally when finished.
Thank you all for your comments, it lifts me up. More than you can think.

Dream about new horizons, dream breathlessly.........

New beginning

New beginning of a painting.

De granaatappel * The pomegranate

At the moment i am very restless and all i want to do is paint, paint paint! My most favourite time to paint isat night, 'cause then all is quiet, no disturbances. Just me, my painting and some music. But to paint at night isn't possible when you have children ánd work. So i have to find my way during the day. Also i am struggling to find myself again in my paintings. Insecurity blocks sometimes my creative energy. This insecurity i never feel about my drawings. I have to find my goals again, to find my way to express myself with paint and being happy with it. Sometimes i still find myself too neat, as i pointed out before. But i will get there where i wanna be. In time....

This painting i started to paint some years ago, but never had the time and the courage to finish it. But now i've started painting again and can't be stopped so to speak ;-), i finally hope to finish this painting in some days. Sorry for the bad reproduction, i'll ask a good friend of mine to make better pictures in the future. But i wanted to upload this already haha.
It's a large painting; heigth 110 cm and width 130 cm. There's much too see on this painting. I call it the pomegranate. Because of the many symbolic meanings it contains. In a nutshell: The Christian symbolic of the pomegranate is resurrection. In ancient times it stands for fertility. And in the old Greek myths it's all about Persephone and the underworld. I like this one the most by the way. But i mixed all those symbolic meanings together to create my own mythological language. It speaks about good or bad, guilt and innocence, love, hope, fears, blood. All my favourite topics. If you take a good look at my painting you will find many references.

So here are some details of the painting:
Click on the images for a larger view.

Holidays and the beginning of a painting

Tomorrow i'm leaving to France for my holidays. I'm looking forward to make beachwalks, swimming in the Atlantic Ocean, wandering thru old villages, eating croissants, ansjofish and french cheese, drinking red wine while watching the sinking sun and to draw, draw and even more draw 'cause now i have enough time. :-)
I will be away for two weeks or so. Take care you all and enjoy what you're doing....

I leave you with an unfinished painting i started. I paint this after one of my favourite drawings: a little girl, so old in her shoes. I hope to finish it soon enough when i'm home again.

See you.....

work in progress

Les fleurs du mal

First design of this painting. Acrylics on canvas. The black is painted with black laquer. It's a pity you can't see it at the picture. How it shines. So the blak is shining and the flowers are dull. With reason. Tell me what you think....
Size: 18 x 24 cm