Why running around in circles?

Hi there all, how are you doing?  I hope all goes well for you. It has been awhile, but life (again) was interfering big time. And when this happens, i find it difficult to communicate. I hide myself  in dreams. Avoiding the big questions, why am i here? what am i doing here? Why art, drawing, painting? Why bother? Why not? Reading La nausee by Sartre doesn't help, or maybe it does. Perhaps i am an existentialist by heart without knowing it. Maybe i am a misantropic humanist or a humane misantrophe. Probably i am both. Can you tell the difference?  I am a pleaser, i want to be loved by everyone. Please, love me. Please, hate me. No, i am not crazy. I am just questioning all. Looking at all possibilities. I don't wanna scare you.  I do not wanna..........  I am a contradiction. Am i not?

Unexpectedly it was there, crystalclear: the existence suddenly revealed itself to me.  From now on it didn't look harmless anymore. Like the safety of abstract categories. It was the stuff of which things are made, the beet of the tree was formed out of existence. The beet of the tree, the fences of the parc, the seat, the teneous grass of the lawn, all this had disappeared. The diversity of things, their own character was only an illusion, a little varnish. The varnish was gone, what was left were monstrous, weak heaps, chaotic and nude. Of a terrifying, obscene nudity.
Jean Paul Sartre  *  The atrocity  (a free, simple translation by me)

Ahhh well it isn't all dark moods, don't worry. The good news is that everything is okay with my beloved ones and myself. So i keep this in mind, again and again, to chase away the dark moods, that holds me back from enjoying all good things around me.  I feel happy looking at my love and kids, the cats, the garden, my art. And i have made a beginning of a new drawing. A wonderful challenge, because the seize of this drawing is 130 x 145 cm!  As i said a real challenge. I wonder how long it will take before the white paper is filled with my world in a world in a world...... 

DRIVING CIRCLES AROUND ME* The beginning of a large painting: 130 x 145 cm

GET READY

    

So tell me what you think about the drawing so far. Take good care of your beloved ones. Take good care of nature. And of yourself ofcourse!
When the low moon begins to beam
every night i dream a little dream.......

The things you don't see

The things you don't see, that's relevant in my life right now. My health isn't good at the moment, i'm mentally fine but frustrated because my body is letting me down. Big time! But you don't see a thing, i'm looking fine. So people don't understand and sometimes rejecting me. Because of the things they don't see, don't understand. Tired? I hear them think... everybody is tired once in awhile, but i wish i could be tired in a healthy way. Not the devouring tiredness i experience right now, not able to do anything at all. A prisoner in my own home. A nice home, but still.
I know i'll survive, that better times with lots of energy is coming again. I've accepted my disease and the physical consequences that comes with it. But i find it difficult to deal with the ignorance of others, feeling guilty all the time. I don't blame them, but it's very frustrating.

This is a reminder to all, including myself. Don't reject other people, because there are always things you don't see.

I also wanna let you know that there are blogs i can't leave a comment on. I don't know why and how i can change that. Know that i am reading and enjoying all blogs i follow.
Fill your days with joy and i wish you all lots of creative energy!

The things you don't see no. 1

The things you don't see no. 2

A world of stone

A sentimental journey; forgotten memories and SHOOT! how young i was on those photo's.

Click on the photograph for more.