Oh gosh, i wanna tell you so much but i don't know where to begin. Although i didn't post the last three months of 2011, there were some experiences relating to my art. I was a participant on the artmarket Arnhem. I had mixed feelings about it, but i wanted to do it, to see what will happen. It was my first time and other participants*artists were going to critize my art. To see if i am good enough for the market next year. I don't wanna be presumptuous, but to be honest, in my humble opinion there were only two good, original painters and one ceramist who was good. But still i was pretty nervous.
The day began early and my eldest son kept me company. Because of the huge retrenchement on art (although it doesn't hurt me personally, i don't have any allowance whatsoever) I thought it would be fun to stretch a clothesline with my little drawings hanging on it. Support your local artist, was a sign also hanging on the clothesline. I had some nice linen on the table with my larger drawings, some paintings and greetingcards, businesscards and free commercial greetingcards. Perhaps i was a bit too enthousiastic, because at the end i heard that my table was a bit too full and the clothesline wasn't appreciated for being disorganized. I agree with the table, a bit too much for sure LOL, but i chuckled about the clothesline. Hmmm some artists are taken themselves very, very serious without any humour. Don't get me wrong, i take myself also serious as an artist, very much so, but it's good to laugh about yourself also i think. There are too many swollen headed people on this planet. People who also can laugh about themselves (like George Clooney in a coffee commercial) have my heart.
To continue the day on the art market: after two hours my son left me to go skateboarding. And now i tell you a secret. People who know me wouldn't say it, but i am very shy around people i don't know. And there i was standing alone with a table full of my art feeling very vulnerable and lonely. It got worse every hour and i was singing a song in my head like a mantra: what the hell am i doing here? i don't belong here.... (Radiohead) And i was sure my so told pretty smile was now a scary looking grin. I became introvert, couldn't react properly. Also because of the crowd visiting the market. I am aware that my art isn't comfortable, you don't hang it above the couch (easily). The daytrippers who came to look art just to make fun of it, eating French fries with lots of mayonaise, were alienating me. It shouldn't bother me, but it did.
Then there were these two men (fellow artists criticizing?) hands in pocket, not looking at me at all, acting a bit indifferent, whispering and laughing together, not looking at me at all. But one of these men came back some times, studying my large drawing Requiem over and over again, sometimes looking at me and if i looked back he quickly looked away. He took in every detail of the drawing so it seems, mumbling some words i couldn't hear. And me, feeling strange, chanting what the hell i'm doing here in my head, hadn't the courage to ask him what he think of it. Fortunately i also had some good conversations with nice people who were interested in my work. That makes such a day worthwhile.
I didn't sell anything that day ha! But the free cards did find their way into handbags & pockets. A view days later i heard that i was allowed to be a participant again this year. But only with my drawings not my paintings. (whats wrong with my paintings? Kids loved my fertility godess, it made them laugh and me too. But parents draw them quickly away from all those tits lol) And without the clothesline. Another ha! Guess what? I'll do it! What can i say. I am a masochist. I am a stranger, a steppenwolf. I am vulnerable. ~SMILE~
REINFORCEMENT
Mixed media on old paper on cardboard. A4
