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The mysterious world of MONICA CROESE

11.2.10

Struggle (what's new? ;-))

Today i was very, very restless. And frustrated. My muse was roaring inside of me, she wants to be free. I have kept her too long in her cage, waiting. I tried different keys to open the cage, but i couldn't manage. Some keys were lost, others rusted or broken. In the beginning my muse was quiet, she understood and was hoping for better times. I played with her creating drawings and she was pleased with the pretty and sweet places where she could wander. If you take a good look you also can find the dark corners where she sometimes wanna hide and feel safe. But she still felt caged. And that made me sad, today i cried a view times, just like that, without a clear reason. My muse grabbed me by the hand, delegating the restlesness and tension. The tension grew and almost became unbearable. So i took a canvas and my brushes and started to paint. Very cautious in the beginning. But she was whispering, and the whispers became stronger, transformed in a clear voice: "Stop the crap, let go! Let go! Don't be a tart, i don't wanna be pretty and sweet. Not this time! I wanna be rough and alive." She was guiding me to happiness and i could let go, feeling more and more secure and i used bigger brushes to avoid unnessesary details. I couldn't stop painting and she broke loose, free at last. And i was in love again with her, feeling so happy. And now she's looking at me from the canvas, so strong, but i begin to doubt again. I think every painter know this progress. I still am in love but i see her flaws. At this point i have to take some distance and let her grow. But i'll complete her world this week, because i cannot walk away from her. Not any longer. It will be a struggle, but it's worth every tear and drop of blood.

The painting is not yet finished and the quality of the photograph lousy, the colours are deeper and more intense for real, but i couldn't wait to share this process with you. In a few days, when finished i will upload a good photograph.

TASTE

14 comments:

Elisabeth said...

It's sounds strange perhaps, Momo but I enjoyed reading about your pain.

It is a comfort to know that others struggle to get their creativity going.

To me it is one of the joys of blogging :we read, see and hear about the process. The process of creativity can be a torture but it is also where all the energy lies at least in these beginning stages.

Afterwards we can enjoy all the more the finished product, having shared some of the painful journey with you.

Please keep sharing it with us. You write so beautifully, so honestly, so poignantly about this struggle.

Thank you.

Caio Fernandes said...

this work seems to bring new values .... maybe a pictorial intecity diferent of what i have seen fron you . it is very consistent .
i think you should dive deep into this .

Rachel said...

Gute Monica,

allein dass du darüber schreibst, wird dich befreien. Ich weiß, die Muse küsst dich, macht dich frei, denn es ist schon zu sehen ...

ich umarme dich mit meiner Kraft für dich

herzlich, Rachel

jbkrost said...

this has some very interesting elements to it...
I think a maybe closer to being done than you think, it is raw, I tend to like that in some paintings
jb

Patricia said...

The description in your post today is so powerful.
Your emotions seem so strong and yet you are able to create! I will look forward to seeing the finished painting.

Karin Bartimole said...

Fantastic!! Bravo to letting loose the muse in all her passionate glory! She is looking strong and powerful in your painting. Enjoy the process!

Rabenflug said...

its wonderfull

mandine said...

J'aime votre lutte pour creer, le résultat est intéressant

Momo Luna said...

Hi Elizabeth, no it sounds not strange to me, in fact i understand what you mean. Yes, sometimes i curse the restlessness before creating, the struggle as you paint, but sucfh a joy when finished.
Blogging is a passion, because of all the nice, creative, interesting people and posts istumbled upon on the net.
Thank you for your nice comment, showing me some of your feelings. I appreciate it a lot.

I will dive deep into it Caio, because otherwise it will haunt me. Maybe this looks different from what you've seen before, but it's not that different from the well it comes from. But painting forces me to leave the comfort zone and that's good. Thank you my friend for your comment.

Liebe Rachel, du hast recht, to write about it felt good and gave me some insight. The muse wasn't kissing me this time, she was kicking and yelling at me. :-)
Hugs for you!

Thank you JB and i think you're right about the close to the being done. To stop at the right moment is an art in itself. So i hope i can hold myself in time haha. Nice seeing you here, thank you.

Thank you Patricia, the urge to paint was a really powerful feeling because it was awhile ago when i painted. It doesn't take too long when finished. I hope so.

Thank you Karin and though the progress is painful sometimes i really enjoy it.But the muse is a bit hiding, so she isn't totally loose yet. Maybe the next painting.

Thank you Rabenflug.

Merci beaucoup Mandine, j'éspere that i can hold the interesting part.

merci33 said...

I look forward to the hide n' seek of the Muse, the wonder of mystery arising, slowly over time showing herself anew...
the strength and the power of your brushwork is a giveaway...she is there, she is with you, she is traveling through your cells and she speaks through you so beautifully and with such awareness.

Momo Luna said...

Thank you Merci for your kind words, this painting is almost finished. I'm working on it.

Sharon Lafferty said...

The struggle is what makes everything interesting and worthwhile I think. Great post!

bondearte said...

I really like these works,
has strength and are very unique.
Congratulations
Paulo

Momo Luna said...

You're absolutely right Sharon, you pushing yourself to the edge and to find new horizons. And thank you. :-)

Thank you very much Paulo and welcome.