The mysterious world of MONICA CROESE


Malleus maleficarum * Witch hammer

Yesterday i had the house for myself and i decided to start some new drawings. Which shouldn't been difficult in this quiet time. Nobody needing my attention, phone disconnected.... And we have a soft winter, almost like spring or autumn. It was raining outside, i love the rain, a warm cup of tea, my book and pencils.

I haven't draw or paint for awhile and if that takes too long i start feeling very restless. I wanted to draw on the drawing from the post  ´A new canvas´.  But looking at the drawing i didn´t like it. I felt my heart and soul isn´t in this drawing. Maybe i feel different about it in the future and finish this drawing, but for now i reject it. I took my book Dictionary of subjects and symbols in art by James Hall. Great book i think. I randomly opened it, to see what happens. The book opened at the pages about witches. About the book Malleus maleficarum. Written in 1486 by Jacob Sprengers. He wrote about the wicked influences of women. Weak of flesh, women tried to seduce good men to destroy them. Because of this book, because of this malicious Jacob Sprengers lots of strong, smart women were accused of being a witch and murdered. Ofcourse i had read about this book before, but reading this again gave me inpiration, new ideas and thoughts. Just the other day i also had read about women being ´slaughtered´ on the internet. On television we have a daily prominent talkshow in which guests (most men i must say) talk about the news, politics etc. Most women who were guests in this show are humiliated on the internet.  They were called names, threatened to be raped and even threatened to be killed. For sure men also experience this. But there is a difference. Women are not humiliated because of their opinions, but because of their sexe. All comments are about how they look like, about sexual humiliation (slut!) and sexual threads (rape). If women have strong opinions they have to be punished so it seems. Then there is this Italian woman, Lorella Zanardo, who started a protest against Italian television were women looks like bimbos with little clothes on and doing all kinds of humiliating acts. Check out her internet movie Il corpo delle donne. 
So strange how in former days women weren´t allowed to be sexual creatures, and nowadays it seems like women have to be sexual creatures in a vulgar way. But both it's about one common thing: women are not supposed to think and to talk about their opinions. I have nothing against sex or erotica, i have nothing against naked women. I even don´t have something against nastiness. But i do have something against short-sightedness, presenting women as brainless human beings and i do have something against violence against women.
Back to the beginning, feeling restless, wanting to draw. All this information bubbled in my head. I started to draw. I made 3 new drawings. This is a new series: Malleus maleficarum. For now i show you the first 2 drawings in this series. I hope you love them as much as i do. And more of it will come, because i have lots of ideas about it.


Mixed media on paper


Mixed media on paper


Reinforcement * What the hell am i doing here?

Oh gosh, i wanna tell you so much but i don't know where to begin. Although i didn't post the last three months of 2011, there were some experiences relating to my art. I was a participant on the artmarket Arnhem. I had mixed feelings about it, but i wanted to do it, to see what will happen. It was my first time and other participants*artists were going to critize my art. To see if i am good enough for the market next year. I don't wanna be presumptuous, but to be honest, in my humble opinion there were only two good, original painters and one ceramist who was good. But still i was pretty nervous.
The day began early and my eldest son kept me company. Because of the huge retrenchement on art (although it doesn't hurt me personally, i don't have any allowance whatsoever) I thought it would be fun to stretch a clothesline with my little drawings hanging on it. Support your local artist, was a sign also hanging on the clothesline. I had some nice linen on the table with my larger drawings, some paintings and greetingcards, businesscards and free commercial greetingcards. Perhaps i was a bit too enthousiastic, because at the end i heard that my table was a bit too full and the clothesline wasn't appreciated for being disorganized. I agree with the table, a bit too much for sure LOL, but i chuckled about the clothesline. Hmmm some artists are taken themselves very, very serious without any humour. Don't get me wrong, i take myself also serious as an artist, very much so, but it's good to laugh about yourself also i think.  There are too many swollen headed people on this planet. People who also can laugh about themselves (like George Clooney in a coffee commercial) have my heart.
To continue the day on the art market: after two hours my son left me to go skateboarding. And now  i tell you a secret. People who know me wouldn't say it, but i am very shy around people i don't know. And there i was standing alone with a table full of my art feeling very vulnerable and lonely. It got worse every hour and i was singing a song in my head like a mantra: what the hell am i doing here? i don't belong here.... (Radiohead) And i was sure my so told pretty smile was now a scary looking grin. I became introvert, couldn't react properly. Also because of the crowd visiting the market. I am aware that my art isn't comfortable, you don't hang it above the couch (easily). The daytrippers who came to look art just to make fun of it, eating French fries with lots of mayonaise, were alienating me. It shouldn't bother me, but it did.
Then there were these two men (fellow artists criticizing?) hands in pocket, not looking at me at all, acting a bit indifferent, whispering and laughing together, not looking at me at all. But one of these men came back some times, studying my large drawing Requiem over and over again, sometimes looking at me and if i looked back he quickly looked away. He took in every detail of the drawing so it seems, mumbling some words i couldn't hear. And me, feeling strange, chanting what the hell i'm doing here in my head, hadn't the courage to ask him what he think of it. Fortunately i also had some good conversations with nice people who were interested in my work. That makes such a day worthwhile.
I didn't sell anything that day ha! But  the free cards did find their way into handbags & pockets. A view days later i heard that i was allowed to be a participant again this year. But only with my drawings not my paintings. (whats wrong with my paintings? Kids loved my fertility godess, it made them laugh and me too. But parents draw them quickly away from all those tits lol)  And without the clothesline. Another ha! Guess what? I'll do it! What can i say. I am a masochist. I am a stranger, a steppenwolf. I am vulnerable.   ~SMILE~

Mixed media on old paper on cardboard. A4


A new canvas

Hello there dear friends. It has been awhile but i am happy to be back. I have missed you all a lot. I'm happy too that 2011 is over. It was a tiring year with many worries and in the end i only could see blackness, not realizing how blessed i am with my two kids, my darling hubbie and beautiful home while i am a born optimistic. So i cannot show you new paintings or drawings because i even couldn't draw or paint. This new year, 2012,  lies ahead of me like a new canvas and i wanna paint it with rich colourful images, not worrying about the shades and the blacks. In fact black holds all colours and shadows belong to sunshine.
I wish you all a beautiful year and use your new canvas well.
I can show you a new beginning of a drawing and a new beginning of a painting, started awhile ago, but soon to be completed. Sharpen your pencils, clean your brushes, 2012 has begun, time for new horizons, new ideas, new dreams.

A fragment of a new painting  *  Three godesses settling your life

Just a glimpse of something new.