The mysterious world of MONICA CROESE


I feel emptyhanded. The next day i was silent. This is real....

I am always curious which spirits turn up as i draw on my holidays. I drawed the next figures when i was on holidays in Limburg, the south of the Netherlands.

Just a dream i  feel
The emptyhanded hunter

Until the next day
This is real


Rain, strangers and a new home

Hi there all. Already back at work for 2 weeks but not on the internet much. Holidays are almost over, my kids have one week left, and then everything will be back to normal. We had a lazy vacation, the first week camping we had nice weather, but the second week we went home because of the rain. I do love rain, but this was lots and lots of rain and that's not so nice while camping.  The kids didn't mind luckily. Next year we're off to France or Portugal again LOL.  The first day i had to work again, guess what?  A very hot day with lots of sunshine. Life sucks haha. :-S But i can enjoy the sun when i have my day off.

I wrote about some news i have to tell you when i am back. So here it goes:
first of all i am building a webshop for Splash splash kisses and almost ready for your visit. With lots of nice poppy stuff i think.
But most exciting: we are going to move again! The house we live in now is nice, but we are a bit strange for the neighborhood. We don't have a bourgeois taste so it seems, whatever that means. We drive an old car that takes us to places, thats all that counts right? We don't like to spend lots of money on a shiny new car, if the car drives than the car is sufficient for us. I wear black clothes most of the time, we listen to strange music, we don't like cultivated gardens and environments, the same garden as the neighbors with lots of concrete etc. It seems that some neighbors of us are upset because of our free, a bit wild front and backgarden. But they don't come to us to talks about this, we are very nice people really, they complain to the housing society, so this feels not good.
But in the beginning of next year we are moving to a nice project: Saksen Weimar. This was an old terrain with barracks for the military. When it wasn't in use any longer for the military, it became the place for artists and musicians with concerts and expositions.  And now the housing society is renovating all the beautiful old buildings, and inside the buildings there will be appartments with ateliers. And we are the lucky ones to rent one of these appartments. I have to admit it's a bit of a presomptuous project, there also will be new houses, expensive houses, so the terrain will be much more structured, no large metal statues etc. anymore. This scares some artists off. But i have faith in it, i can see through it. Artists will be artists, you cannot control them. Especially when they are living together, inspiring each other. Another project here in Arnhem, for artists, also a bit presomptuous, also scaring off artists in the beginning, prove i am right. ;-)
It's so nice to live in a home with artists around you yeay! I can't wait haha, but i have to be patient......

An old photograph of the barracks.

This is the gateway to the terrain.

One of the buildings in which our appartment will be build. Our living room has 3 windows, and the atelier next to it has also 3 windows! The width of our garden will be about 14 meters.  Are we lucky bastards or what?

That's it for now. I also have done some new drawings in my holidays, i will upload these in a new post. I will be visiting you all pretty soon. Stay happy!


Swallow the sun

Hi dear blogfriends, i wasn't that much on the internet lately, being busy, and also the sun that invites me to sit in the garden doing nothing but draw. I will be even more quiet because next sunday i will be away for about two weeks. Enjoying even more sun i hope, but relaxing and drawing for sure. :-) I have neglected my blogfriends a bit, but i promiss after the holidays i will visit you all again. And i have much to tell, much exciting good news.  Enjoy the holidays if you have holidays, enjoy summertime when the living is easy. And for my friends on the other side of the world stay warm and cosey in the wintertime.
A big hug to you all!!!

At the moment I
read: Schim (If he lived) by Jon Stephen Fink
see: i close my eyes for awhile because they're tired, so i see fun thoughts popping up in the dark
hear: the sound of the fan
think: about a new home next year
feel: excited about the holidays and about a new home......


Circles: i cannot stop these magical thoughts

The drawing Circles grows and is still growing. New updates.

I cannot stop these magical thoughts. You, driving circles around me. Please, don't hunt me down. I can't hear what you are saying. Please don't hunt, don't hurt me. I'm not ready for the pain. I am not. Where is my mind? I can't stop these thoughts. You, driving circles. You are the blood.......

IT GROWS............



I wish you all a wonderful, magical week! The words above are expressions. I used the cut up technique: special words from lyrics i listen to while drawing suddenly pop up and i recognize them, the feelings they express and i  use them in the drawing, creating a new story. Interpretations of feelings of myself during the years and of others i noticed. Just to make sure. Although a constant lack of money i am doing fine. And so are my beloved ones. Take care, take care of the ones around you.

read:    De aardbeibeet * Smultronbett by Barbara Voors
taste:    Delicious sweet hot coffee and strawberries
see:      Celtic wolves 
hear:     Into your dreams * Laurie Anderson
think: :  This job is for Jan!
feel:       Full of trust


Why running around in circles?

Hi there all, how are you doing?  I hope all goes well for you. It has been awhile, but life (again) was interfering big time. And when this happens, i find it difficult to communicate. I hide myself  in dreams. Avoiding the big questions, why am i here? what am i doing here? Why art, drawing, painting? Why bother? Why not? Reading La nausee by Sartre doesn't help, or maybe it does. Perhaps i am an existentialist by heart without knowing it. Maybe i am a misantropic humanist or a humane misantrophe. Probably i am both. Can you tell the difference?  I am a pleaser, i want to be loved by everyone. Please, love me. Please, hate me. No, i am not crazy. I am just questioning all. Looking at all possibilities. I don't wanna scare you.  I do not wanna..........  I am a contradiction. Am i not?

Unexpectedly it was there, crystalclear: the existence suddenly revealed itself to me.  From now on it didn't look harmless anymore. Like the safety of abstract categories. It was the stuff of which things are made, the beet of the tree was formed out of existence. The beet of the tree, the fences of the parc, the seat, the teneous grass of the lawn, all this had disappeared. The diversity of things, their own character was only an illusion, a little varnish. The varnish was gone, what was left were monstrous, weak heaps, chaotic and nude. Of a terrifying, obscene nudity.
Jean Paul Sartre  *  The atrocity  (a free, simple translation by me)

Ahhh well it isn't all dark moods, don't worry. The good news is that everything is okay with my beloved ones and myself. So i keep this in mind, again and again, to chase away the dark moods, that holds me back from enjoying all good things around me.  I feel happy looking at my love and kids, the cats, the garden, my art. And i have made a beginning of a new drawing. A wonderful challenge, because the seize of this drawing is 130 x 145 cm!  As i said a real challenge. I wonder how long it will take before the white paper is filled with my world in a world in a world...... 

DRIVING CIRCLES AROUND ME* The beginning of a large painting: 130 x 145 cm


So tell me what you think about the drawing so far. Take good care of your beloved ones. Take good care of nature. And of yourself ofcourse!
When the low moon begins to beam
every night i dream a little dream.......


What is it?

It must be spring, it sure is looking at this drawing. Because of the beautiful weather (and being busy as well) i spend my time outdoors as much as possible. That's the reason i am not too often behind my desk staring at the computer.  But at the end of the week the weather will be colder again and rainy,  giving me time to pay a visit to all my favourite blogs again. I promise, okay? ;-)
Friends, enjoy spring or fall, both such wonderful seasons of the year. 


I wish we can share all

read: Le mur - Sartre
taste: hot coffee

see: the sun shining 
hear: Silver swans
smell: the spring in the air
touch: the grass on my feet
think: about better times coming my way
feel: lots of joy because of the spring, yeay!


Keep breathing, let's talk about it later

Still working on drawings and paintings for the series Malleus maleficarum.  I wanna place the drawings in black boxes, so that you have to peep inside the boxes to see the drawing. And i paint the silhouettes of the women on large canvasses. White silhouettes on a dark black and red background.

Keep breathing
This drawing is a try out. I've painted all day long on a canvas, working out this idea. One painting finished, and i am happy with it. The silhouette is even more plain white.  Soon i will be posting it.

Let's talk about it later
The silhouette of the try out is from the drawing above. But i have decided that this drawing will not be in the series Malleus maleficarum. Because of the colors (green and blue). The Malleus maleficarum women will only be in white, red and pink. I noticed that these colors emphasize their nudity and therefor there vulnerability.  And that's what i wanna express in these drwings.

read: The memory game * Nicci French
taste: sweet white wine  ~  smell: japanese water incense
hear: Blithe field * illuminating moments  ~  touch: the skin of my paint smutted hands
think: about painting  ~  feel: happy and a bit restless


Exposition PRIKKEL draad

The day before the opening there was an article in a big Dutch newspaper (De Volkskrant) An interview with the curator of the exposition. The proloque says:

On the exhibition Prikkeldraad we see the dark and uneasy side of sex. 'Glossynude' and 'SBS6-sex' have a drawback. (SBS 6 is a commercial TV station, they had softporn in the late hours of night, nowadays it's a rightminded commercial station but the slogan SBS6 sex is still be used) This is why curator and writer Claar Griffioen made this exhibition. This is her perspective.
The shady side of sex is also reality. No glossy dream sex, nothing manipulated, but the naked truth. Everybody know the drawback of sex, but most of the time we hide it away.

It was a great opening, the gallery looks great, a spatial gallery and as an old squatter i like the squat history of this gallery.  They do a lot for the neighborhood and also lots of activities for kids. The opening speech was held by professor  Henk Oosterling, philosopher. A speech with humour and eyeopeners. Great art, although there have to be more uneasyness for my personal flavour. Or maybe i don't feel uneasy easily about sex.  I am proud to be participant in this exhibition.  And who knows what new roads it will bring for me.  The world broadcasting services thought my drawings as one of their favourites. Yeay! And it was such fun to watch people looking at my drawings. I had to hold myself, feeling like a kiddie in a candystore. LOL A much much better experience than the artmarket i must say.  This feels good, tasting for more.
Oh yeah and not to forget: the music on this opening was awesome. Scherzo Mechanica: Peter Zegveld and Dolf Planteijdt.

Some impression photo's, not all good quality, but soon more..........
poster PRIKKELdraad

On the road, Rotterdam harbours.
Almost there, where all the people are.

Here they are, my babies.
Inbetween two masturbating men paintings.
What does he think of it?

Another spectator.

read:Prikkeldraad, about sexual sadness and uneasyness. Stories from different writers.
taste: salty peanuts 

hear: Suicide
 with Dream baby dream and after that Bjork with Unravel, such a beautiful song.....
touch:the soft fur of my redhaired tomcat Willie 
think:about art and several themes/concepts for next drawings and paintings 
feel:happy and exhited for new possibilities.


Ready to go

This morning my work for the upcoming exhibition is collected, they were ready to go. I am really excited, trying not to be intimidated, because many of the participants are well known artists, selling their art all over the world. One of the pieces for this exposition has to be sold for 23.000 euros. Gosh, and then there is my work:  small, intimate and leaving an intense feeling i hope. The good thing about these welknown artists is the fact that there will be visitors who wouldn't come for an exhibition with only my name. Not well known (yet). ;-)
I noticed that art has to be BIG these days, BIG seizes, overwhelming techniques. I also see this on the internet: students from art schools with art that intimidate at first sight. Wow! i think, great art, overwhelming and so very clean and strict. I mean the look of it. Clean worlds, sometimes disturbing because of the perfection. That's what i think. It overwhelms me but then.... there it is, i take a closer look, still admiring the perfection of it all. There it is, in all its glory, intimidating perfection and it doesn't move me. It doesn't reach my heart and soul. Oh yeah. it keeps me thinking also. Should i make larger drawings? Flawless drawings? Drawing larger formats is tempting me, because of the challenge. Not because it looks better in a museum (?), trying to ahhhh and oooooh people. But i am also tempted to draw even smaller drawings, as a reaction. Wouldn't it be great: large paintings, installations, drawings everywhere and then a tiny tiny drawing of me. I would hang it a bit low, so people should go down, to take a better look. That's what i dream of right now......

And ofcourse of selling my drawings for enormous prices, so i can take a visit to my overseas artist friends all over the world. ;-)  I was very very busy, but will visit you all soon. Enjoy the rest of the weekend and i wish you a wonderful week full of dreams and challenges.


Warm feelings in winter and a bit of delicious, scary excitement.

Again such a lot to tell, where shall i begin? First of all, i already had spring in my thoughts and feelings but King Winter woke me up. Finally we have a winter and today it's snowing again. I am happy it's a good winter, not wet and blubbering, but clear, dry air, sometimes sunshine and because the waether is clear it's also very cold. When sitting behind my table, drawing, i can watch the snow falling and spotting all kind of birds in the garden and the old, big tree standing behind our house. Which reminds me to finally upload a photo of my working place.


Twelve o'clock, midday
Afternoon, after snowing all day long.


I am on RedBubble for quite awhile, but i didn't do anything with it. Until now. You can buy there cards and prints of my work. To support me and at the same time you will have a beautiful Momo Luna Signal. Ofcourse i ordered some cards myself, to check the quality of it and i must say the cards are beyond my expectations. They were larger than i thought, the image is bright and sharp, the cards are really very beautiful. Click on the Cards & prints diashow on the right and you enter my page.
 I also found Harry Kent on RedBubble that made me very happy because i love his art very much. I also ordered some cards of him. Again very great quality.  I think we should send each other cards more often. Not only with Christmas or a birthday, but to let someone know you care. A real card is much nicer than an email right? So take a look at RedBubble, there are lots of great artists with wonderful cards and prints.

For all the nice support and friendship i'm going to send my loyal blogfriends a little package. To thank you for that. I also received this week a package myself from my blogfriend Renilde. I love her art a lot. I love the fairytales she spins and the beautiful blues she uses on her palette. A special Renilde blue. :-) Thank you so much sweet Renilde for your beautiful gift, i am very happy with it!!!! Very much so.

Beautiful art by Renilde, i'm very happy with her lovely gift.

The wonderful cards of Haryy Kent, available on RedBubble.

And last but certainly not least: in March i will be participating in a group exhibition. The topic of this exhibition is:  Sex without joy, or unfulfilling sexual experiences. The curator asked me if i had something fitting this theme so I sended a mail with a suggestion of three drawings of mine. Unfortunately i was a bit late and there were already enough contributors. Typical me. But the curator likes my art, so she was going to check if i can have some space afterall. And she made it possible. I am so happy, excited and a bit scared haha. Because there are some well known artists on this exhibition. So i have to try not to get intimidated and to feel trust in myself. But this tiny bit of anxiety gives me butterflies, like the fear you have in a rollercoaster, you are scared and at the same time you have so much fun.  Soon more information about the exhibition.
The three drawings for this exhibition:   

Tenderness is weakness
Do you see who i am?

F*ck me doll - I dare you!

And to make this cold winterday even warmer and more perfect: i ordered an agenda with great photographs of Crissant. It arrived today and it's even more beautiful than i could imagine. If you wanna support this lovely lady check out her Blurb here.  I wish you all a perfect weekend!

Great agenda from Crissant.


Malleus maleficarum * Witch hammer

Yesterday i had the house for myself and i decided to start some new drawings. Which shouldn't been difficult in this quiet time. Nobody needing my attention, phone disconnected.... And we have a soft winter, almost like spring or autumn. It was raining outside, i love the rain, a warm cup of tea, my book and pencils.

I haven't draw or paint for awhile and if that takes too long i start feeling very restless. I wanted to draw on the drawing from the post  ´A new canvas´.  But looking at the drawing i didn´t like it. I felt my heart and soul isn´t in this drawing. Maybe i feel different about it in the future and finish this drawing, but for now i reject it. I took my book Dictionary of subjects and symbols in art by James Hall. Great book i think. I randomly opened it, to see what happens. The book opened at the pages about witches. About the book Malleus maleficarum. Written in 1486 by Jacob Sprengers. He wrote about the wicked influences of women. Weak of flesh, women tried to seduce good men to destroy them. Because of this book, because of this malicious Jacob Sprengers lots of strong, smart women were accused of being a witch and murdered. Ofcourse i had read about this book before, but reading this again gave me inpiration, new ideas and thoughts. Just the other day i also had read about women being ´slaughtered´ on the internet. On television we have a daily prominent talkshow in which guests (most men i must say) talk about the news, politics etc. Most women who were guests in this show are humiliated on the internet.  They were called names, threatened to be raped and even threatened to be killed. For sure men also experience this. But there is a difference. Women are not humiliated because of their opinions, but because of their sexe. All comments are about how they look like, about sexual humiliation (slut!) and sexual threads (rape). If women have strong opinions they have to be punished so it seems. Then there is this Italian woman, Lorella Zanardo, who started a protest against Italian television were women looks like bimbos with little clothes on and doing all kinds of humiliating acts. Check out her internet movie Il corpo delle donne. 
So strange how in former days women weren´t allowed to be sexual creatures, and nowadays it seems like women have to be sexual creatures in a vulgar way. But both it's about one common thing: women are not supposed to think and to talk about their opinions. I have nothing against sex or erotica, i have nothing against naked women. I even don´t have something against nastiness. But i do have something against short-sightedness, presenting women as brainless human beings and i do have something against violence against women.
Back to the beginning, feeling restless, wanting to draw. All this information bubbled in my head. I started to draw. I made 3 new drawings. This is a new series: Malleus maleficarum. For now i show you the first 2 drawings in this series. I hope you love them as much as i do. And more of it will come, because i have lots of ideas about it.


Mixed media on paper


Mixed media on paper