Today i was very, very restless. And frustrated. My muse was roaring inside of me, she wants to be free. I have kept her too long in her cage, waiting. I tried different keys to open the cage, but i couldn't manage. Some keys were lost, others rusted or broken. In the beginning my muse was quiet, she understood and was hoping for better times. I played with her creating drawings and she was pleased with the pretty and sweet places where she could wander. If you take a good look you also can find the dark corners where she sometimes wanna hide and feel safe. But she still felt caged. And that made me sad, today i cried a view times, just like that, without a clear reason. My muse grabbed me by the hand, delegating the restlesness and tension. The tension grew and almost became unbearable. So i took a canvas and my brushes and started to paint. Very cautious in the beginning. But she was whispering, and the whispers became stronger, transformed in a clear voice: "Stop the crap, let go! Let go! Don't be a tart, i don't wanna be pretty and sweet. Not this time! I wanna be rough and alive." She was guiding me to happiness and i could let go, feeling more and more secure and i used bigger brushes to avoid unnessesary details. I couldn't stop painting and she broke loose, free at last. And i was in love again with her, feeling so happy. And now she's looking at me from the canvas, so strong, but i begin to doubt again. I think every painter know this progress. I still am in love but i see her flaws. At this point i have to take some distance and let her grow. But i'll complete her world this week, because i cannot walk away from her. Not any longer. It will be a struggle, but it's worth every tear and drop of blood.
The painting is not yet finished and the quality of the photograph lousy, the colours are deeper and more intense for real, but i couldn't wait to share this process with you. In a few days, when finished i will upload a good photograph.
TASTE
